Lessons from vacation

I just got back from a week away (including a grand total of zero Masses played last weekend). Here’s what I learned while away:

When you’re trying out for “Jeopardy,” keep your eyes as wide open as possible when they take your picture to attach to your file. They do not allow reshoots, even if you are caught mid-sleepy blink during the picture.

When you’re trying out for “Jeopardy,” ignore the local TV crew that has stopped by, unless they ask you for an interview. (They didn’t ask me, because I’m not from Saginaw, Michigan.)

Driving through Michigan bigtime beats driving through Indiana.

This was the first time I’ve been to Detroit. It was as depressing as advertised — they’re removing traffic lights in places because they just don’t have enough traffic, and my hotel and the nearby hotel I tried out for “Jeopardy” in were surrounded by a lot of empty buildings. Makes me feel really bad.

When you’re on vacation, try not to drink pop. Make no such demand of yourself regarding beer.

Especially if grandpa buys it for you.

Especially if grandpa buys it for you.

I watched my friends get married. Before the Mass, another friend and I took the groom aside and prayed the Rosary with him. This is a good idea.

Being a church organist means you will listen, very carefully, at how the organist at the wedding you’re at plays. In my opinion, he played way too fast. But I managed to keep my mouth mostly shut. Until now.

Doing the twist too vigorously at the reception will mean that in the morning, you will wake up and feel as if you did 8-Minute Abs 10 times. On the other hand, my abs are looking a little better.

If you’re a bride, it’s a good idea to bring your wheelchair-bound 90-year-old grandpa onto the dance floor and dance with him during a reception. It’s a little weird, however, to do that while “Sexy and I Know It” is playing.

Continental breakfasts will be the death of me. Oy, buffets.

There’s something to be said for a quiet day with relatives you only get to see once a year. You don’t really have to do anything; it’s the time that matters.

Driving all the way home from western Pennsylvania (eight hours of driving) isn’t a great idea, unless you have a full day to recover from it. Which I did.

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